My name is Lumi St. Claire, and I am a 30-something (recovering) primary care doctor. After a whopping eleven years in the field battling managed care restrictions, insurance companies, and terminally broken administrations, my white doctor’s coat officially caught fire and I burned out. Rather than try to dust myself off again working as a clinician, I made the unorthodox decision to completely restart my career as a medical and educational consultant, much to the horror of my colleagues. I mean, when you’ve finished four years of college, four years of medical school, three years of residency training, and over half a decade of clinical practice, you don’t just pack up and LEAVE, do you?
Or do you?
I am in my 11th year of primary care practice and my coat is smouldering. The smell of smoke grows stronger daily. Things I used to enjoy or I thought would bring satisfaction no longer do or are gone. When I mention to collegues the thought of leaving clinical practice they look at me as if I require a mental health admission. I admire you.
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Hi Rona-
I can certainly empathize with your situation, and I know how difficult it can be working that way. One thing I think is really critical to examine is whether you are truly burned out (i.e. the actual work is not appealing) or demoralized (the work is appealing, but you are in destructive environment that prevents you from doing it in a way that is meaningful to you.) It’s very easy to confuse the two. I certainly had a tremendous amount of institutional dysfunction that was a huge part of my problem, and it’s hard to know if I would have thrived in a different environment. But I also came to realize that the actual job description of a primary care provider is really not a good fit for me. I’m much more of a specialist in terms of how I think and work.
There’s an interesting blog post from an education perspective on demoralization vs burnout if you want to check it out:
http://siobhancurious.com/2012/03/15/demoralization-vs-burnout/
Thank you for reading, and best to you.
~lumi
As a doctor fresh into the medical world, everything seems nice and awesome to me. i am on the verge of starting my residency and the thoughts of burning out seem laughable. And yet, there are people I know who have stuck on to Medicine despite hating it day in and day out. I admire your courage for choosing to walk the unwalked path. I would love to hear more from you and hence subscribed to your blog. Hope to keep learning and interacting with you!
Cheers!
Welcome to MyWhiteCoat, Pranab!
I have several blog followers at this point who are pre-med or current medical students, and I truly appreciate the important viewpoint you bring to the blog. Your voice is critical. Some things have changed immensely since I went through my medical school training in the mid-nineties, and some are shockingly the same. Having your eyes open to the both the highs and lows of the medical profession as you move through your training should help you maintain balance and avoid burnout. Congratulations on your upcoming graduation and start of the next phase of your life!
Thanks for reading-
~lumi
Hi Lumi,
I have been a follower of your blog and find that I have been able to relate to much of what you have written. Although my cirsumstances are a bit different (I began medical school and have taken a leave of absence to decide if it is truly my path), your postings draw strong connections with my situation and they have been a pleasure to read. On a side note, do you only communicate with people via your blog or do you email as well?
Thanks,
Decidingmedstudent
Hi DecidingMedStudent-
Glad to have you as a reader, and I hope you can draw something helpful from my blog in your journey. I do communicate by email – I can be reached at lumi.st.claire@gmail.com.
Thanks for reading-
~lumi